The Indian and the Cricket bond is immortal... We indians are so carried away with the emotions attached with the very sport...

Indian relations with France, US

I was just reading news articles online and found this article worth sharing here...

The visit of the French President, Jacques Chirac, to India was a relatively low-key affair, as the chatterati did not pay much attention to it. The forthcoming visit of US President George W Bush looms much larger in the pundits' imagination, partly because of the huge buildup of expectations about nuclear cooperation. Alas, in the quaint Indianism used by sportswriters, the Americans are merely 'flattering to deceive'.

American diplomats and non-proliferation Cold Warriors are running circles around their Indian counterparts -- seducing them with faint praise -- and so I am glad to note that a number of scientists and administrators have said that the July 18, 2005 accord amounts to a massive sell-out of Indian interests under pressure. Strategic analysts who opposed the deal from the beginning -- such as Brahma Chellaney -- should feel vindicated.

That Obscure Object of Desire: Nuclear Energy

In this context, the French offer of nuclear fuel and reactors -- under IAEA safeguards -- amounts to a useful Plan B for India. France has an advanced nuclear power industry of its own, which supplies a good fraction of the country's needs, and they most probably have more up-to-date designs than the Americans. The latter have been handicapped by negative public opinion after Three Mile Island, and have not built new civilian reactors for decades.

In any case, having a second source is a major factor in limiting supplier power. It is the potential for American supplier monopoly and therefore veto-power over India's nuclear future that has worried Indian analysts. The prospect of France -- and possibly Japan, with its own advanced nuclear power industry -- bidding for India's business would greatly enhance India's own buyer power vis-�-vis American arm-twisting.

As usual, India is inept at exerting its leverage. For instance, in response to American pressure (Ambassador Mulford's dire threats) India should have announced that it was rethinking Air-India's big order of aircraft to Boeing, and re-opened negotiations with Airbus. This would have brought the US Trade Representative running to Delhi ('airdashed' in Indian journalese), and would have silenced the non-proliferation ayatollahs at Foggy Bottom.

India, France sign 9 agreements

It is worth noting that American commercial interests -- notably Westinghouse -- had been in the forefront of American approval of $5 billion worth of nuclear power plant sales to China, which has been a consistent proliferators and flouter of international norms. I read recently that Westinghouse had been sold to Toshiba of Japan, and I wonder what effect that has on things. What are Toshiba's (and Japan, Inc.'s) thoughts on selling nuclear material to China with which Japan's relations are, to put it mildly, tenuous? And more to the point, how keen is Toshiba on selling power plants to India?

Apart from the nuclear deal, it is worthwhile for India in general to have a good relationship with France, which is prone to act as a gadfly, often indulging in knee-jerk anti-Americanism. India should play off the Americans against the French (and Europeans in general) as both are keen on the billion-person Indian market. India can wrest concessions from both.

Neither America nor France is particularly India's bosom buddy, but that they are both jockeying for position in support of their national interest. This is a clich�, but it is not clear that Indian negotiators have internalised this.

Why is India giving France the cold shoulder?

For instance, in the current furore over Mittal Steel's proposed takeover of French rival Arcelor, European chauvinism and racism has come to the fore -- for instance note Arcelor chief Guy Dolle sniffing that his steel was 'perfume', while Mittal's was 'eau de cologne'. Excuse me, I thought steel was steel was steel. Perfume? Surely he jests!

What are the roots of the tension between America and France? A few months ago, Americans were up in arms against France, renaming 'French fries' as 'Freedom fries' and so forth, over something so trivial that they have (and I have) now forgotten what the fuss was all about. And French condescension towards parvenu, uncultured Americans is legendary.

Bernand-Henri Levy, the French author, in his recent book American Vertigo takes a look at this question -- and he acknowledges explicitly that he is following in the footsteps of his celebrated compatriot Alexis de Tocqueville who wrote, 170 years ago, one of the most penetrating analyses ever of what makes American society tick. Levy believes that part of the reason for this animosity is that both nations believe in a sort of 'manifest destiny' -- that they are uniquely qualified to lead the world to a new vision of egalite, liberte, fraternite in one case and 'democracy' in the other.

Of course, we all know that these fine sentiments do not always jive with action on the ground. The French were keen imperialists, and the Americans have always preferred ruthless military dictatorships over mere democracies when it comes to choosing allies. Levy calls himself an 'anti-anti-American' meaning that he opposes the reflexive anti-Americanism endemic in Europe, which perspective he believes opposes everything that is actually good in America.

The Indo-US nuclear tango

Levy asserts that in fact it is the French Right that hates America, not the French Left. Coming from the former leftist, this may have credence. According to Levy, the French Right believes in a mythology of homogeneity, of blood and race and color, and of that as the basis of nationality. America, a nation that luxuriates in the diversity of its population, is clearly the very antithesis of this belief, and apparently that is the thing that sticks in the craw for the French Right: it repudiates their fundamental beliefs.

Of course, India shares the element of diversity with America, in a manner reminiscent of Walt Whitman in Leaves of Grass: 'I am large, I contain multitudes.' And the Lord in the Bhagavad Gita, XI:5:

Pasyay may Partha roopani shatasho'tha sahasrasha:

Nanavidhani divyani nanavarna krtani cha |

Arjuna, behold presently in hundreds and thousands

My multifarious divine forms, of diverse colors and shapes.

India is the ultimate in heterogeneity, a mixture of people and ideas that somehow, out of this diversity -- and despite the active attempts of its current ruling class to, well, divide and rule -- has always been a nation and a civilisation. And despite the best efforts of its rulers to destroy the nation by destroying its millennia-old cultural roots, the idea of India survives.

The George Bush interview

Neither the old culture of Europe, as embodied in the idea of France, or the brash new culture of America, is an exact analog of India's culture. They may complement each other: India needs to work with each of them and gain whatever it can from both. India has been generous with its cultural gifts to Europe and now America, and it is time to call in the favours. It was after all, a Frenchman, Voltaire, who said, memorably, the following:

'I am convinced that everything has come down to us from the banks of the Ganges, astronomy, astrology, metempsychosis'

Realationship- Who choses who

I have been troubled by this question time and again... Do we chose relationship or realtionship choses us... cant say... We happen to bond with some stranger whom we never thought to meet in life and we fail to stand realtionship with people with whom we know for last several years... So what is that makes relationships live...

The part that relationships we are born with are the one we dont have choice with or is it true for all relationship that we human fall in our entire life span... Do we chose with whom we should be hangout or does the relationship has that power of choice...

To stop been in dilemna what I do is accept the realtionship as it is rather than giving it a fight and moulding it as I like it... There are times when we are hapless and there are time when we give a fight back to hold some relations... So exactly who decides is still a question whose answer might come to me someday till then singing the song "Jo Bhi Pyaar Se Mila Hum Usi Ke Ho Liye..."

Relationship-Desination or Journey

It sometimes confuses we humans that what we actually desire for... is the achievement of the desired is the what we actually wished or is it the journey...

Relationship is not what we relish for a single moment rather we reap the ecstasy of been together for a long span... We happen to get in relation with some and failed with others but does that means end for the relationship which the two persons shared before getting into a relationship for a lifetime...

We happen to love but do we marry the same person... Its not have happened for most of the peoples due to various reasons. Some might have fallen in-between for social issues and some for religious and some for misunderstanding and few for finding that two were not perfect for each other...

But is the commitment to the relationship comes only from socially known bondage or is it from soul too...

We feel broken if we fail to marry the person we love but we forget that we have a beautiful memories of all the journey the two has come across in the process...

what i mean to say is that there is a lot more than just achieving...renunciation also works wonder sometimes... try it...

Beauty of been together

We all happen to need someone close to share our feelings. We are thats why called as social aniamals... Its the emotions that we human take it that long to be remebered long after the existence of the entities that made that very relationship...

On the other side

We happen to say that girls never understand boys and the same can be heard from the galz side... so are we two genders two different languages as per the myth that men are from mars and women are from venus....

I feel that we are not aliens to this planet... but what is that makes us feel like that we are from different lingua domain....

I think we both fail to see what we are trying to speak... often we are speaking the same thing still arguing that who is right...

We are perhaps not a good listener... if we just happen to stop just beeing our side of the story it will always be that hard to understand but if we just take a step ahead and stand on the other side we can see what the words from that direction were popped to meant...

if we just take one step ahead....

Is conflict inevitable in the employment relations?

The outcome of this constant argue between employees and employers, considering economic matters in the employment relationship. Is that employers want high work intensity at the workplace, and that the firm or organization would like to gain high profit in the market they are targeting to. Employees on the other hand prefer high wages and a good and safe work environment. As well as their work performance are being appreciated by the managers. Why does employee join together as one identity, to confront and negotiate with the employers?

Employees join together because individuals have less power dealing with employers than a group of more people. If many individuals have collective interests, they have a much bigger influence if they come together as a group, towards the employers. Trade unions (a group of workers sharing the same interests in the workplace) are to protect the employees interests like better wages, hours of work and conditions at work. The primary goal for the unions is to protect the economic conditions for the employees, and to advance their wages...

Small Pain In My Chest

The soldier boy was sitting calmly underneath that tree.
As I approached it, I could see him beckoning to me.
The battle had been long and hard and lasted through the night
And scores of figures on the ground lay still by morning's light.

"I wonder if you'd help me, sir", he smiled as best he could.
"A sip of water on this morn would surely do me good.
We fought all day and fought all night with scarcely any rest -
A sip of water for I have a small pain in my chest."

As I looked at him, I could see the large stain on his shirt
All reddish-brown from his warm blood mixed in with Asian dirt.
"Not much", said he. "I count myself more lucky than the rest.
They're all gone while I just have a small pain in my chest."

"Must be fatigue", he weakly smiled. "I must be getting old.
I see the sun is shining bright and yet I'm feeling cold.
We climbed the hill, two hundred strong, but as we cleared the crest,
The night exploded and I felt this small pain in my chest."

"I looked around to get some aid - the only things I found
Were big, deep craters in the earth - bodies on the ground.
I kept on firing at them, sir. I tried to do my best,
But finally sat down with this small pain in my chest."

"I'm grateful, sir", he whispered, as I handed my canteen
And smiled a smile that was, I think, the brightest that I've seen.
"Seems silly that a man my size so full of vim and zest,
Could find himself defeated by a small pain in his chest."

"What would my wife be thinking of her man so strong and grown,
If she could see me sitting here, too weak to stand alone?
Could my mother have imagined, as she held me to her breast,
That I'd be sitting HERE one day with this pain in my chest?"

"Can it be getting dark so soon?" He winced up at the sun.
"It's growing dim and I thought that the day had just begun.
I think, before I travel on, I'll get a little rest ..........
And, quietly, the boy died from that small pain in his chest.

I don't recall what happened then. I think I must have cried;
I put my arms around him and I pulled him to my side
And, as I held him to me, I could feel our wounds were pressed
The large one in my heart against the small one in his chest.

by Michael Mack

The Magical Words

We happen to encounter situations in relations that are not planned or expected and we happen to say and do things that are not meant... but the fact stands that it occurred... so what we do ?

do we realize and accept situation and try to do the needful to patch it up or just leave it on time or the next person to forget the incidence....

No, I m not saying that its bad happened because of us but can not we discuss this with a cool mind.... Ego ???? come on is this ego is what we have to live life and keep on loosing relations to make survive our ego.... I don't see any sanity in doing so....

Why don't we use the magical words that always works... yes there are few very very special words like SORRY, Thanks ! Love you, Miss You.... and so on... but we hesitate to use them quite often just because of our EGO !!

We be rather be honest to ourselves rather than feeding the EGO !!

time is something that waits for nothing nor does it gives second chance to everyone... you are lucky if you have got one... but trust me on my words when i say that be careful with the time it does not give a second chance not even to thank someone or to say sorry....

So my friend before its too late go and say the magical words and see the magic happening...it works to strengthen relations.....

Freindship or an Emotional Affair

Emotional affairs can be especially harmful to new relationships. When you've first started dating, things are tentative and unsure, and can be easily derailed with misunderstandings. Asking a potential partner to accept an inappropriate friendship is a sure-fire way to end your new relationship before it even starts.

If you are having an emotional affair with the opposite sex, ask yourself why you want to continue. Are you afraid of a real relationship, and therefore hold on to this emotional affair? Having a friend to fantasize about can be a crutch to hold you back from developing a healthy relationship.

When you begin to share intimate or hurtful details of your relationship with one particular friend of the opposite sex, you are in the beginning stages of an emotional affair. Every relationship has ups and downs, but by relaying personal information on your significant other you are also betraying his or her trust.

Thats why its said that friendships are great but emotional affairs are trouble...

When you begin to have feelings of attraction for your friend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss or touch your friend. You are getting in an emotional affair.

You spend more energy longing for your friend than you do your partner. When you're with your partner, you look forward to when you can get back to spending time with your friend.

You tend to hide information on your friendship from your partner. You email or call each other in secret, and when asked how you two spent your time you have a tendency to lie.

Something about your friendship bothers your partner, and when he or she asks you about it you get uncomfortable or defensive.

You believe that no matter how great the new person in your life is, he or she will never be able to know you quite like your friend does.

You are jealous when your friend goes on a date. You find yourself hoping your friend will not find love and instead spend time with you.

source://http://dating-advice.suite101.com/

Dont Wait Until it's Too Late

Dealing with Anger

Everywhere you look in today’s world, we are hearing about people expressing anger, often in a destructive, inappropriate way. "Rage" used to be a term reserved for strange, out-of-control people, but now we have road rage, workplace rage and even airplane rage. Violent outbursts are commonplace on TV talk shows. Gun rampages in public places have become a typical news event. What’s going on?

American culture has a bizarre relationship with the energy of anger and its inappropriate expression as violence. In our consumer lifestyle, we know that violence sells. The promotion of violence is a multi-billion dollar business, affecting virtually every aspect of our lives. Think for a moment about the expressions of violence on TV, movies, video games, professional sports, and many forms of recreation. We dare not show a single naked breast or penis on TV, but we can show hundreds of horrible, bloody murders every day of the week. A startling statistic is that by the time they finish elementary school, the average American child (who watches just 3.5 hours of TV a week) will have witnessed 12,000 murders and more than 150,000 other acts of violence on TV.

We teach our children to not hit their siblings and then roar in delight at the vicious fight at the hockey game or the bone-crushing tackle at the football game. The top stories on our local news are often nothing more than a review of the most sensationally violent acts in our community in the past day. By virtually any measure you use, American society is the most violent society in the history of recorded civilization.

This is some evidence that we are modeling what we learn through the media, where violence is often presented with few realistic consequences. The National Television Violence Study in 1995 found that 47% of the violent acts shown resulted in no observable harm to the victim; only 16% of violent shows contained a message about the long term negative repercussions of violence; and in a whopping 73% of all violent scenes, the perpetrator went unpunished. The study found 44% of the shows on network stations contained at least some violence, compared with 59% on basic cable and 85% on premium channels. It’s interesting to note that the more money people pay for a television service, the more violence it contains! Studies by George Gerbner, Ph.D. at the University of Pennsylvania have shown that children who watch a lot of television are more likely to think that the world is a mean and dangerous place; they become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others; and they are more likely to behave in aggressive or harmful ways toward others.

With adults, people who cannot deal appropriately with their anger teach their children that violence is an acceptable way to deal with conflict. Men who have witnessed their parents' domestic violence are three times more likely to abuse their own wives than children of non violent parents, with the sons of the most violent parents being 1000 times more likely to become perpetrators of violent acts toward women. During each year women were the victims of more than 4.5 million violent crimes, including approximately 500,000 rapes or other sexual assaults. In 29 percent of the violent crimes against women by lone offenders the perpetrators were husbands, former husbands, boyfriends or former boyfriends.

So why as a culture do we teach, promote, and model destructive, inappropriate, unrealistic expressions of anger? We are fascinated with anger and violence because we are terrified of and uncomfortable with our own power. As a culture, we try to make nice, to make believe that we are not angry people, and harshly judge others that are. Our anger is the shadow side of the positive, upbeat, prosperous American psyche. Violence sells because it is tapping into a deeply repressed aspect of the American psyche. We tuck our anger away in the darkest, most shameful recesses of our minds and hearts, and then are horrified and surprised when it comes blasting out. Yet it is a fundamental principle of psychology that whatever we disown, cut off or otherwise repress in our psyche becomes stronger than it actually is, and eventually will force us to recognize its existence by coming to the surface in a distorted, exaggerated or impulsive manner.

So if there is an answer to this issue of anger and violence, it is that we all must recognize, befriend and own our own power, our own potential for anger and even violence, and come to terms with that energy. Anger is an energy that can be harnessed and channeled in any number of ways, some of them very constructive. But that can only happen if we’re willing to look our own anger straight in the eye without fear, denial or minimization. Anger is the elephant in our collective living rooms that no one wants to talk about other than in harsh, judgmental terms about other people.

Anger Management

Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary for our survival. On the other hand, we obviously can't lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. So expressing your angry feelings in an assertive, not aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

The goal of any type of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physical arousal that anger causes. While you can’t always change the situations or people that upset you, you can learn to control your reactions. Here are some great tools to try:

1. Relaxation - simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. Books such as The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson and Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabatt-Zinn are excellent sources for instruction in meditation and relaxation. Once you learn the techniques, you can use them in anywhere to quickly calm down.

For additional help with relaxation, practice breathing deeply from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest doesn’t tend to elicit nearly as deep a sensation of relaxation. Picture your breath coming up from your diaphragm while you slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply and putting attention on your breath. Use imagery: visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination, with as many senses involved in the visualization as possible. Hatha yoga is also a great method for relaxing your muscles and making you feel much calmer.

2. Change Your Thoughts - Angry people tend to think negative, critical thoughts about themselves or others. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated, overly dramatic and irrational. Try replacing these thoughts with more positive and rational ones. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Also, when angry, people often feel victimized. So it’s helpful to reflect on what’s happening and take responsibility for whatever you are doing to partially create the situation that frustrates you.

3. Communicate Directly After you Calm Down - when angry, people make assumptions that may not be true about others’ intentions. So slow down, calm down, and speak clearly about whatever it is that is frustrating you to the person(s) involved. Talk about your feelings and perceptions rather than blaming others. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

4. Take Time for Yourself - make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day or days of the week that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the woman who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to me unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids and husband without yelling at them.

There are some excellent self-help books available on the topic of dealing with anger. Two of our favorites address specific gender issues that men and women face: The Dance of Anger: A Women’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, by Harriet Lerner and Beyond Anger, A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life, by Thomas Harbin.

Anger is an expression of our life force. When manifest in an appropriate manner, it can be an intelligent expression and reaction to the circumstances of our lives. When we befriend our anger, we tame its impulsive expression and give ourselves a valuable tool to create constructive change for ourselves and the world. We encourage you to start wherever you are, with compassion and love for all parts of yourself, and begin to explore your own relationship with this powerful and necessary life energy. And be honest with yourself in the process: if you cannot understand this energy, if it feels like a wild beast or a scary monster, seek out help from those who can guide your journey of healing and discovery in a safe and constructive manner.

source://http://www.relationship-institute.com/

Healing Rifts

I wonder how we humans come out of the strongest set backs with time... I think the people around you are one of the important factor helping us to heal. The relationships with the individuals are at times comes as a medicine to our relationship wounds.

I remember a lady who was such a successful actress, a television host and a RJ. She was married to one whom she love. A love marriage a successful career and what else she could have thought of... but mishaps does not see that the person its going to hit is at what position or what may be the repercussions .... After sometimes she happen to go through something that she have never thought of in her nightmares. She happened to have a miscarriage... She was totally broken by one blow...

All the people were so concerned about her health, her peace of mind but nothing works when something happens to a mother... she had everyone around but nothing consoled her... Her husband... her friends...her family did whatever best to console her but she could not stand at peace.

After few years of suffering she happen to join a 6 days course class of "Art of Living"... the people she came to interact... the exercise she did... the group activity she performed somehow worked for her... for me one thing that most helped her is the willingness to accept the situation and seeing the people around who too are suffering somehow and are managing to live a life with a smile on their face...
As the preacher of the course said..."Wear the fake smile on your face until you make it..."

Healing rifts is not at all easy untill we are ready to accept the situation...

To me there are few things that can not be fought back... the best way to defeat them is to accept them...

By Amritanshu

Dmegs Directory

India Pak Relationship

India and Pakistan, two nations united by history but divided by destiny, has travelled a long way in an attempt to bring peace to the highly volatile valley. Peace is still a "far sighted dream" which every Kashmiri nurtures in their minds. "An eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth" policy has transformed Kashmir valley, once an epitome of romance and beauty to a land with painful tales of human suffering and mayhem. The picturesque scenes of blissful beauty blessed by the heavens is stained by human beings in a battle to defend or expand their territorial ambitions. "WAR" brings with it death and misery. Victory at the cost of life, or defeat again at the cost of life.

Himalayan Affairs attempts to look at the various issues concerning the Himalayan region ranging from terrorist hit regions of Jammu and Kashmir to the insurgency torn Northeastern states of India. We cover issues like India Pakistan relations, India Pakistan peace initiatives, Anti-terrorist campaigns in India, India Pakistan border situation, Solutions of India-Pakistan dispute, Facts about Jammu and Kashmir, Misery of people in Northeast India, Solutions for Jammu and Kashmir dispute with Pakistan.

Let's join hands with the people of these highly disturbed regions of Jammu and Kashmir and Northeastern states in their battle for peaceful existence.

An appeal to all...

Gifts Strengthen relationships

Gifts can be good at eliciting emotions and even smoothing the rough spots, but don't make the mistake of giving the wrong kind. You'll go broke and not accomplish what you intended. Since women's emotions are so powerful, realize that all gifts to women have a soothing effect and "goodwill time frame" that is proportional to the emotion evoked. This has nothing to do with the value or utility of the gift, believe me. Whether you're in the early stages of a relationship or have been married ten years, never give expensive gifts, agree to extensive home remodeling that you don't particularly want, expensive trips, etc. in the hope that it will improve her feelings for you.

If you do, you'll be paying for the expenditure long after your girlfriend or wife has stopped smiling at you for what you did. Instead, give little nothing gifts like a funny card, or a stuffed animal holding flowers, and say "I was thinking of you today." Do this at unexpected times.

A week later (or maybe even the next day), the $12 stuffed Dalmatian with the heart-shaped spots will be forgotten, and your woman's attitude will probably (and understandably) be "What have you done for me lately?" But guess what? The same thing will happen a week after you agree to pay for her eight-year-old's private school tuition, which is a $120,000 tab over ten years. You do the math. The exception to this rule is if you decide to give an expensive, useful gift to a woman who needs it and who has been exceptionally good to you already.

Few men do this. Men usually give presents, take women to expensive restaurants, etc. in the hope that the recipient will be grateful. THIS DOES NOT WORK. Expensive gifts should always be unexpected rewards. They should never be attempted inducements.

There are things that we consider not on the priority, but it does makes a difference and build memories to cherish lifelong relationship....

What women say they want and what they actually do want are two different things

Men need to be keenly aware of this and act accordingly. The crap that women claim they want in the personals ads is exactly the kind of thing that would have the same women running for the nearest exit out of boredom if the men actually provided it.

Women want to feel attraction for someone, and attraction doesn't come from finding a man who is sensitive, or caring, or likes long walks on the beach, cats, and candlelight dinners, has a college education or a good job. Attraction isn't a choice. Attraction comes from that little shiver of anticipation of not knowing what's coming next, of not being able to pigeonhole the man she's with into any one category, of being just a little bit off-balance and not in total control.

that's why said that what women say they want and what they actually do want are two different things...

So, enjoy women for what they are, and don't imagine them to be something they aren't. It may sound harsh or negative, but real women are seldom like what we see in movies written by male screenwriters or read about in novels written by male authors.

The cute waitress where you eat lunch may visually remind you of Meg Ryan (or whoever) in the movie where she played a waitress, but don't for one second imagine the real-life waitress to be as intelligent or interesting as the writers who gave Meg her lines. Flirt with the waitress and let her presence make your lunch more pleasant, but don't start going there every day and turn her into some fantasy of yours ("One-itis").

At best, you'll waste a bunch of better opportunities mooning around her at lunchtime, while she smiles at you but otherwise blows you off. At worst, she'll eventually accept your advances, and (since you were fixated on only her and had no other women to compare her to) you'll end up married before you figure out that aside from being nice to look at (for now), there isn't much else you really enjoy about her....

Different definitions of integrity

Men have integrity to their word, but because of the heightened sensitivity as explained above, women have integrity to their feelings.

Women base their actions on how they feel at the time. This means that if something no longer "feels" right, they won't do it, period. It infuriates most men when a woman "flakes" on them. ("Flaking" is the term that men who study this sort of thing use to describe when a woman who has eagerly made plans with them doesn't show up, or calls at the last minute to cancel because her girlfriend needs consoling etc. Roughly speaking, a woman's tendency to flake is proportional to her options and inversely proportional to her age, although I did meet one 38-year-old single mother of two with this habit.) Understand that the need to be true to one's feelings is an extremely powerful force with women. Look at the dominant theme in all romance novels: The woman is "swept away" by emotions too powerful to be denied, and has an affair when everyone knows she shouldn't. Another example is the adage "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Even the former First Lady (according to the Secret Service) regularly threw things (lamps, etc.) at her husband when angry. Can you imagine a man doing this, instead of saying "Next"? The idea is ludicrous.

If you're a man, you probably do what you've agreed to do (help someone move, etc.) because you said you would. However, you wouldn't go through with your plans to help your acquaintance move if it had suddenly become a felony with a mandatory 10-year prison sentence to do so, would you? Of course not. Ten years in prison trumps a promise to move furniture. Well, that is the kind of aversion that women have to doing things that no longer "feel" right. Later I'll explain how to make this "integrity to feelings" work to your benefit.

Think about the above.... more to come in next blog to ponder upon...

Understanding Women- An Approach

What follows are general truths, in the same vein as the statement "Women are shorter and have much less upper body strength than men." Don't annoy me with emails telling me how you know a woman who's 6'5" and benches 400. I don't care.

Never forget this. Stop thinking of women as screwed-up men and start realizing that their minds were built from an entirely different blueprint.

Just as a hawk can discern details at distances that a man needs a ten-power scope to see, a woman is many times more capable than a man at reading the emotions of other women. (Women may be equally capable at reading men's emotions, but have never seen a need to.) Walk into a large party with a woman. You, the man, will see a bunch of people in a room, talking in groups of two to five. You'll see where the food and bar is, and notice any exceptionally attractive women in the room. That's it. Your companion, however, will be able to tell you which woman is angry, which one is lonely, which is happy, which is upset, which ones feel self-conscious, which ones are jealous, and (probably) which ones are having affairs and with which men. Your female companion will be able to accurately tell you these things within ten seconds of entering the room.

This ability comes at a price: Women are many times more sensitive than men to emotional pain. Imagine a man whose skin was so sensitive that ordinary contact was painful. Whenever someone shook his hand in greeting or clapped him on the shoulder in congratulations, it would feel to him as if boiling water were being thrown on his flesh. Now turn that disparity in physical sensitivity into emotional sensitivity and you'll get a good picture of a fundamental difference between men and women.

Men seldom if ever need to know what a group of other women is thinking, so they usually experience a woman's heightened sensitivity from the negative perspective. They hurt their wives' feelings without realizing it (just like the handshake in the above hypothetical) and then are baffled when their women are upset with them, often for days or weeks at a time, for seemingly no reason.

This is a fine advice I found worth sharing to you all...
This section I got has series to discuss... Will keep you updated on this...

Self Confidence Solution

Many people are involved in relationships that are strained, whether husband/wife, parent/child, or just ordinary friendships. If someone wanted to go about improving the relationship, what incentives would you suggest they use as a means of fortifying their resolve to succeed?

Utilizing incentives and motivational tools provides the inner stamina needed to maintain our willpower, and thus achieve our ultimate goals.

To all the questions... I will say SELF CONFIDENCE...

Self confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet realistic views of themselves and their situations. Self-confident people trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and believe that within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan and expect. Having self-confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to do everything. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves...

Be a good negotiator...

To be able to communicate effectively, you need to be honest and open about your feelings, needs and ideas, whilst also accepting, respecting and supporting the other person. Empathise with the person by trying to imagine how they must be feeling – which may be different to how you would feel in the same situation. This may help you to hear and understand the problem from other person’s perspective.

We do not always have to agree with each other; what makes us so unique as human beings is that we all see things differently and this is part of what makes our relationships precious. Relationships are about learning how to nurture and love ourselves as well as others. In order to take care of yourself, you must be responsible for your own needs and set your own personal boundaries.

The collaborative problem-solving steps:

•Define the problem in terms of the needs of both parties.
•Brainstorming, develop possible solutions together.
•Break up the problem in smaller and more manageable portions.
•Find best alternatives and make a decision.
•Evaluate how well the solution turned out.

When feeling are expressed, heard and accepted by another person, then individuals can discuss their differences more productively. Once the emotions have subsided, problems can be solved by the collaborative problem solving skills.

I find it worth sharing to you all. Readfull article...

Mentoring Relationship

We all happen to think why the relationship has turned out this complex when we can not figure out the reason for happening so... there are reasons and clashes but are they enough to bring a loving relation to this stage...

I think we missed quite a few things that would have made us skip a situation of a broken relationship of our life.

When you show up for every meeting with your loved one and strive to make things work out you send your loved one a strong message that you care and that he or she is worth caring about... so just be there

“My parents lecture me all the time. Why would I want my mentor to be the same way? I have the best mentor in the program, but sometimes he tries too hard to be a mentor instead of just being himself. What I mean is that he thinks he always has to share some wisdom or advice, when sometimes I would rather just kick it and joke around.”

Of course, when your loved one comes to you for help or advice, it is appropriate to help them develop solutions. It's also okay to check in with them if you suspect that they are struggling with something. They just don't want non-stop advice. So, take the pressure off of yourself and just enjoy your loved one's company.
be a friend, not an all-knowing authority

The best that you can do is to lead by example. By becoming a mentor, you've already modeled the most important thing a human being can do: caring about another. Here are some other ways you can be a positive role model for your loved one:

• Keep your word: Call when you say you will. Do what you say you will. Be there when you say you will;
• Return phone calls and e-mails promptly;
• Have a positive outlook;
• If your program has group sessions, participate fully;
• If you enter a competitive activity with your loved one, keep it in perspective and by all means do not cheat (or even fudge a little) to help your loved one win, get a better place in line at an event, etc.; and
• Let your loved one see you going out of your way to help others.

I think it works...Be a role model...

Few of what is concurred by California Governor’s Mentoring Partnership and Los Angeles Youth Mentoring Connection also...

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