Confronting techniques

Take the Risk of Asking for What You Really Want!

Those of us actively working with the Law of Attraction have learned that the power lies in our ability or willingness to ask for what we really want instead of focusing and complaining about what we don't want. This asking is easier said then done!

Once I got the hang of it, it became fun to ask for what I wanted. I've had a lifelong habit of only asking for what I thought I could have or deserved or could afford. It takes practice to ask for what you want but it takes even more practice to determine what that is after years of habitually accepting "just OK, "good enough", or "it will do".

Sometimes it may take a step that involves confrontation --- what a dreaded word! It conjures up anger, yelling and fighting. No one likes confrontation and yet the unwillingness to confront an unsatisfactory situation compromises desire and gives our heart the message that we don't deserve to have what we really want. However, confrontation doesn't have to be ugly!

My first satisfactory experience was with a restaurant owner who had hired me to help for a 10 day special event. Wilma had agreed to pay me an hourly wage plus I would receive tips from the waitresses. My job would be to handle the cash drawer, hostess, bus tables, wash dishes, restock when needed and help in all areas. I proceeded to show up cheerfully and on time and busted my buns for 10 straight days.

When my paycheck arrived a week later, I was surprised that it was less than I had expected. She had paid me as a waitress instead of the rate we agreed on, which was less than half! OK, now what should I do? I had given her my all and I felt slapped in the face.

So I wrote her a letter explaining what I had understood our agreement to be and returned her little check. I waited but got no reply or phone call. My next move was to show up at the restaurant and confront her. Oh my! The emotions rampaging through me kept me distracted and upset for days, I tell you! I kept reminding myself that I was a professional, a highly qualified, hard working person who deserved to be treated fairly.

She was ready for me when I arrived and she was angry, just as I suspected. I explained that I had done what she asked, but I remained calm and confident. She told me rudely that I hadn't been worth it. Since I knew that wasn't true, I calmly told her that I was sorry she felt that way, but she didn't get to make that decision after the fact. If she thought I wasn't doing a good job, she'd had plenty of opportunities in that 10 days tell me so. In the face of her anger and belittling remarks, I managed to stand in my truth while allowing her to say and feel whatever she wanted. I didn't try to change her mind and I didn't get sidetracked into a fight.

That first successful confrontation was a delicate dance and the key was managing my own words and emotions, not hers. The outcome was a softening in her and I sensed respect. She ended by offering to write me a new check at the correct wage but I told her no, I wanted a win/win outcome and I would be happy to accept minimum wage since I did receive generous tips and much gratitude from the waitresses. That saved her about a dollar an hour and I could tell that she was surprised and slightly confused. I, however, felt wonderfully satisfied with the resolution of the situation!

The key points that brought this successful resolution were:

my willingness to stand up for myself and ask for what I wanted
self-review to feel fully confident that I deserved to be treated fairly
my determination to manage my own emotional state while allowing her to be, do, say or feel whatever she wanted
my sincere desire to create a win/win outcome
That experience with Wilma has set the standard for me and I've used this model to confront other situations with great results. So go ahead, decide and then ask for what you really want, make sure you feel that you truely deserve it, manage your emotions with calm confidence, plan for the best possible outcome for all concerned and poof! You shall have it!