Losing someone close to you through death is never an easy time. Our responses to death vary person to person. Death can feel unfair, it can come as a shock or as a knowing end to a painful disease.
Our focus is constantly on that person no longer being in our life and at times we simply want to curl up and forget the rest of the world even exists.
We often go over and over things we wish we had have done or said, our emotions are all over the place. Something very small can trigger us into an endless stream of tears.
If we do not allow ourselves to grieve at the time; it will effect us later in life.
Feel your emotions
It is important to allow yourself to cry, you are allowed to feel angry, sad, confused, devastated. It is important to allow yourself to feel what the loss means to you.
Denying yourself this means that it will take you a lot longer to come to terms with things.
Your emotions are an extremely VALID and important starting point for dealing with your loss.
So be angry if you need to be. Vent, shout, scream (but do so in a private place and do not direct this at one else).If you feel confused, allow yourself some time. Accept that you don't need to 'rush' to put your life back together.
Just KNOW that you will.The emotional pain that we feel can at times be completely overwhelming, it can hurt so much that we wish we could 'trade places'.
It is very important to address all the reasons and situations where you feel loss. If it helps to talk, do not feel embarrassed to book an appointment with a trained counsellor or from joining a support group. Other family members may also wish to join you, or talk to you. Or to even hold your hand and cry with you.
If you find talking to other people too difficult to do. Buy yourself a journal and write.
The important thing to remember, whether you are talking or writing is to address all the aspects of your loss. Talking often leads to you going around and around, over and over the same things, Writing however enables you to fully clear your mind.
Write down all the reasons that person meant so much to you. Write down the things you loved, and do not be afraid to write down all the things that annoyed you too. Write about the plans you had that you never had a chance to do and why you were looking forward to doing those things with that particular person. Address all the things which you wish you could say to that person if they were sat with you now, or if they could come back for just 10 minutes more, what would you say to them.
Address too, what you would like to hear from them.
We always wish we could have said Goodbye. So write a letter to say goodbye.
Getting things out, addressing all these repressed feelings WILL be a difficult and emotional time, so turn off your phone and allow yourself this special time to grieve. However, by addressing all these aspects you will be expressing yourself and you will hopefully be able to stop the thoughts whirring through your head.
Whenever you feel the need, whenever you need to simply write about this person. Do so.
If you can't put pen to paper, online anonymous journals or blogs, are a great way to get things out. They can be public or private so no one else needs to read your thoughts unless you want them to.
If you wish you or someone else had done more to help a loved one suffering; write it down.
If you need help; ask
It is important to keep those around informed as to how you are feeling. If you want to be left alone; tell them. If you want to talk to them; tell them. If you need time off work; speak to your boss. If you need advice; seek it.
Don't push people away because you think they won't understand. If some one you turn to doesn't give you the support you need; seek support from another family member or a support group.
There is no right or wrong way, and addressing how you feel may take a long or short time. it may help a lot, it may not help at all.
A significant emotion when death occurs is anger. It is important to address any anger that you feel.
We get angry at doctors and nurses, we get angry at ourselves, we get angry at other people involved in the death, we search high and low for someone to blame but because accepting death as a natural part of life is just impossible.
Sometimes, We feel depressed, and we start neglecting ourselves and those around us. It is important to also think about what this person would say to you about the 'state' you are in, should they be alive. Would they be shouting 'C'mon enough already' or would they be shouting 'I want to see you suffer more please!'
Try to feel the qualities that person brought to your life around you IN your daily life in a positive aspect. If you find yourself in a store and see something which reminds you of them, try to smile and think 'You would have loved that' instead of focusing on the loss.
The life that person lived was a special one, they brought to your life a lot of special memories and feelings too - yet they have also taught you who they are. Deep within you, you know their values and when you need to; you can bring their thoughts and opinions back into your life whenever you need to.
Celebrate the life they have lived and all the good things that they gave to. Laugh about the bad times with affection and more importantly, live your life and be happy, as death comes to all of us and it's just been shown to us that life is too short to be unhappy. Life is too short for regrets and troubles.
Aromatherapy
Scents for calming grief include:- Bergamot, chamomile, jasmine, rose, neroli
