Bereavement

Losing someone close to you through death is never an easy time. Our responses to death vary person to person. Death can feel unfair, it can come as a shock or as a knowing end to a painful disease.
Our focus is constantly on that person no longer being in our life and at times we simply want to curl up and forget the rest of the world even exists.

We often go over and over things we wish we had have done or said, our emotions are all over the place. Something very small can trigger us into an endless stream of tears.
If we do not allow ourselves to grieve at the time; it will effect us later in life.
Feel your emotions
It is important to allow yourself to cry, you are allowed to feel angry, sad, confused, devastated. It is important to allow yourself to feel what the loss means to you.

Denying yourself this means that it will take you a lot longer to come to terms with things.
Your emotions are an extremely VALID and important starting point for dealing with your loss.
So be angry if you need to be. Vent, shout, scream (but do so in a private place and do not direct this at one else).If you feel confused, allow yourself some time. Accept that you don't need to 'rush' to put your life back together.

Just KNOW that you will.The emotional pain that we feel can at times be completely overwhelming, it can hurt so much that we wish we could 'trade places'.
It is very important to address all the reasons and situations where you feel loss. If it helps to talk, do not feel embarrassed to book an appointment with a trained counsellor or from joining a support group. Other family members may also wish to join you, or talk to you. Or to even hold your hand and cry with you.
If you find talking to other people too difficult to do. Buy yourself a journal and write.
The important thing to remember, whether you are talking or writing is to address all the aspects of your loss. Talking often leads to you going around and around, over and over the same things, Writing however enables you to fully clear your mind.

Write down all the reasons that person meant so much to you. Write down the things you loved, and do not be afraid to write down all the things that annoyed you too. Write about the plans you had that you never had a chance to do and why you were looking forward to doing those things with that particular person. Address all the things which you wish you could say to that person if they were sat with you now, or if they could come back for just 10 minutes more, what would you say to them.
Address too, what you would like to hear from them.

We always wish we could have said Goodbye. So write a letter to say goodbye.
Getting things out, addressing all these repressed feelings WILL be a difficult and emotional time, so turn off your phone and allow yourself this special time to grieve. However, by addressing all these aspects you will be expressing yourself and you will hopefully be able to stop the thoughts whirring through your head.
Whenever you feel the need, whenever you need to simply write about this person. Do so.
If you can't put pen to paper, online anonymous journals or blogs, are a great way to get things out. They can be public or private so no one else needs to read your thoughts unless you want them to.
If you wish you or someone else had done more to help a loved one suffering; write it down.

If you need help; ask
It is important to keep those around informed as to how you are feeling. If you want to be left alone; tell them. If you want to talk to them; tell them. If you need time off work; speak to your boss. If you need advice; seek it.
Don't push people away because you think they won't understand. If some one you turn to doesn't give you the support you need; seek support from another family member or a support group.
There is no right or wrong way, and addressing how you feel may take a long or short time. it may help a lot, it may not help at all.

A significant emotion when death occurs is anger. It is important to address any anger that you feel.
We get angry at doctors and nurses, we get angry at ourselves, we get angry at other people involved in the death, we search high and low for someone to blame but because accepting death as a natural part of life is just impossible.
Sometimes, We feel depressed, and we start neglecting ourselves and those around us. It is important to also think about what this person would say to you about the 'state' you are in, should they be alive. Would they be shouting 'C'mon enough already' or would they be shouting 'I want to see you suffer more please!'
Try to feel the qualities that person brought to your life around you IN your daily life in a positive aspect. If you find yourself in a store and see something which reminds you of them, try to smile and think 'You would have loved that' instead of focusing on the loss.

The life that person lived was a special one, they brought to your life a lot of special memories and feelings too - yet they have also taught you who they are. Deep within you, you know their values and when you need to; you can bring their thoughts and opinions back into your life whenever you need to.
Celebrate the life they have lived and all the good things that they gave to. Laugh about the bad times with affection and more importantly, live your life and be happy, as death comes to all of us and it's just been shown to us that life is too short to be unhappy. Life is too short for regrets and troubles.

Aromatherapy
Scents for calming grief include:- Bergamot, chamomile, jasmine, rose, neroli

Indifference - healing from inside

Indifference is not ignorance, To be indifferent means you've built a strong wall to prevent yourself from expressing how you truly feel, which in turn stops you fully experiencing what stands before you.
Indifference is :-

Saying to yourself  'It doesn't matter' when deep down it does.
Holding back on your true emotional responses.
Being or feeling unable to express your emotions.
Feeling void of emotion.
Lack of energy to create enthusiasm for something.
Not being the true you.
Holding back on your true feelings.
Indifference is not :-
Truly not caring on an outcome is not indifference. It means you've already decided that neither outcome is preferable.
Unconcern, the situation and/or outcome has not effect on you or your life. Again, you've decided that 'this' has no reason to be in your life.

When you've made a fully informed decision based truly on your thoughts and feelings, you can not display indifference.

Indifference, is the inability or fear of expressing your true feelings and thoughts, which leads to building an invisible brick wall between you and what stands before you.
Indifference is not ignorance. Ignorance is the absence of information, absence of wanting information, and absence of response from information.
It doesn't matter
We are afraid to reveal our innermost thoughts in case of failure to reach what we desire.
I don't care, It doesn't matter, Whatever...
Yet deep down you're thinking, actually I'd prefer... to be honest I'd like... I hope...
If you honestly can not reveal your true feelings to someone about the situation, then at least be kind to yourself and tell yourself.
You'll find that once you are clear on your own feelings that you'll be less afraid to let snippets of information leek out into your actions and thoughts. Once you are clear on how you feel, you'll find the impetus to want to talk, to want to express.
Holding back/lack of emotional expression
What are you afraid of?
When you hold back or do not express your emotions. You are hurting yourself. If you can't express who you are in your life, then you are not being yourself.
If you are not being yourself then who the hell are you?
We hold back when we are afraid of other peoples responses. Why? Why be afraid of being who you are? Isn't it more responsible to be honest with yourself?
Appearing emotionless
No one is without emotions.
It's just sometimes we don't know how to express ourselves, or are unsure as to how we feel.
Dig down inside yourself to find out the truth.
Apathy
Apathy is a whole new chapter at some point in the future.
However, briefly apathy is the feeling of dis-interest in everything or something. It can be quite severe and cause depression.
Start small, find one thing which would/may spark something within you.
Interacting with indifferent people
Quite often we say 'they don't care', this is our wish that 'they do care' - so figure out why it is so important to you.
Before you state someone is being indifferent, first look to see why you feel this way.
We all know a 'joker' someone who makes light of everything you say to them, we all know loud people who seem to take everything in their strides. Remember, everyone has thoughts and feelings and no-one is void of emotions, even if they appear to be.
Clearing indifference...
At times, we all act indifferent. We try to remain calm when really what we want to do is shout or scream or throw a tantrum. We try not to reveal what we feel as we are afraid or embarrassed as to what someone may think about us.
Be sure that what you say has some relevance to how you truly feel, be sure that you fully understand why you feel the way that you do.
It may take some practice to be honest about how we feel. Especially implementing it in our daily life, we get so used to hiding what we truly feel, it becomes a habit.
Believe in yourself, understand and you'll find that feelings of indifference will clear. So long as you are honest with yourself, truly honest as to how you feel.

Happy Reading.. Relationship Never Dies

Excerpt from The 100/0 Principle, by Al Ritter

Just felt sharing this part with you all,

What is the most effective way to create and sustain great relationships with others? It's The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.

Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.

The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work associates, customers, suppliers, family and friends.

STEP 1 - Determine what you can do to make the relationship work...then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.

STEP 2 - Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.

STEP 3 - Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don't take the bait.

STEP 4 - Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.

At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, you need to avoid being the "Knower" and shift to being the "Learner." Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like "that won't work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't," "I'll teach you," "that's just the way it is," "I need to tell you what I know," etc.

Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like "Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I wonder if there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..." etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!

Principle Paradox

This may strike you as strange, but here's the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations and their families.

We sometimes forget to admire things when they are around and fail to assess the true value of the relations around until they happen to be away from us. It might be an intentional or unintentional behavior to praise but its hard to make for the small loss that we just ignore.

Relations around us are always there, we never are really alone but we fail to notice this till we really happen to feel lonely. There are several ways to acknowledge if you have made the same mistake of ignorance to praise the relations around you. I know the people may not ask or is waiting for you appraisal but take my words it does matter, and it matters the most. Try thanking or saying sorry to someone near to you and just see how you make them overwhelmed with your words.

Its not that we should say Thanks when someone really did good thing or say sorry when we did something wrong to others... Sometimes these magical words simply works as always and work in a different way when we say it just like that sometime to the near and dear persons around us to tell them that its not that we may have failed to say it at the right time but its not like that we don't care...

try it once and see the magic... Thanks for reading... Happy Reading...

Emotional Intelligence and Relationship Building

The best things in life – success, happiness, love – depend on our ability to create and maintain great relationships. Most of us do a good job with relationships at the start, only to stumble down the road. Why do relationships develop such challenging problems?

Oftentimes, relationship problems are due to a breakdown in the skills of emotional intelligence. Fortunately, it’s never too late to develop these skills and raise your emotional intelligence abilities. Once you’ve learned the five key emotional intelligence skills, you’ll be able to create and sustain secure, successful, long-lasting relationships.

Many people put their best foot forward in a new work setting or when looking to attract a mate, but stumble while trying to maintain their relationships over the long term. That’s because keeping a relationship healthy and fulfilling requires a unique skill set that many of us don’t have. This skill set is known as emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, control, and effectively communicate our own emotions, and to recognize the emotions of other people. When our emotional intelligence skills are well developed, we have a solid emotional foundation that helps us build strong relationships and communicate clearly.


The skills of emotional intelligence help you:
>>Build rewarding, lasting relationships
>>Stay calm and focused, regardless of the circumstances
>>Understand your own motivations, feelings, and needs
>>Recognize the difference between damaging and helpful communication
>>Accurately “read” other people
>>Defuse arguments and repair wounded feelings
>>Find more playfulness and joy in your relationships
>>Transform conflict into an opportunity for building trust

Emotions are the building blocks of each relationship in our lives, and the power of those emotions cannot be overlooked. Emotions override our thoughts and profoundly influence our behavior – often without our awareness.

Most people seek relationship advice to find answers to problems they believe are responsible for their conflicts—without realizing there are more fundamental issues at the core of those problems. They are attempting to heal the surface symptoms of their dysfunctional relationships, without examining the real emotional issues that are simmering beneath. But until those fundamental issues are addressed, the problems and conflicts will continue.

Enjoy reading more on Emotional Intelligence on helpguide.org

Happy reading....

Still waiting for your second chance

Just wanted to share this short story with you all...

Hi friend,
I loved reading this...
It’s another morning..
….. Again I have to go to office
Ohh, this is me… I shouted having a glance on my snap in today’s news
paper.
But what the HELL it is doing in the death column??
Strange…
One sec... Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe
pain in my chest, but I don’t remember anything after that, I think I had a
sound sleep.
Its morning now, ohh….. It’s already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and my boss will get a chance to irritate me.
Where is everyone…??? I screamed.

“I think there is a crowed outside my room, let me check.” I said to
myself.

So many people….. Not all of them crying…
But why some of them crying…
WHAT IS THIS??? I m laying there on the floor…
“I AM HERE” … I shouted!!! No one listen.
“LOOK I AM NOT DEAD” … I screamed once again!!! No one is interested in me.
They all were looking me on the bed.
I went back to my bed room.
“Am I dead??” I asked myself.
Where is my wife, my children, my mom-DAD, my friends?
I found them in the next room, all of them were crying… still trying to
console each other.
My wife was crying… she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just coz his
mom was sad.
How can I go without saying my kid that I really love him, I really do care
of him. ??
How can I go without saying my wife that she is really most beautiful and
most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying my parents that I m … just because of u ??

How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I have
done most of the wrong things in my life… thanks for being there always
when I need them… and sorry for not being there when they really need me..

I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears…
Ohh… he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part,
and we both have strong enough ego to keep us disconnect.

I went there.. And offered him my hand, “Dear friend… I just want to say
sorry for everything, we r still best friend, please forgive me.”
No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his
ego, I am saying sorry… even then!!!

I really don’t care for such people.

But one sec…. it seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my
extended hand.
My goodness… AM I REALLY DEAD???

I just sat down near ME; I was also feeling like crying…
“OHH ALMIGHTY!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS…”
I just wasn’t to make my wife, my parents; my friends realize that how much
I love them.

My wife entered in the room, she looks beautiful.
“YOU R BEAUTIFUL” I shouted.
She didn’t hear my words, in fact she never heard these words coz I never
said this to her.

“GOD!!!!” I screamed… a little more time plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
I cried…
One more chance please… to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to
feel my dad proud on me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends
for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my
life….
Then I looked up and cried!!!!

I shouted….

“GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!”
"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did
you have a nightmare?"
I was sleeping….
Ohh that was just a dream….
My wife was there… she can hear me…

This is the happiest moment of my life…


I hugged her and whispered…. “U R THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN
THIS UNIVERSE…. I REALLY LOVE U DEAR”


I can’t understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in
her eyes, still I m happy…. :)


“THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SECOND? CHANCE.”


So, Now it’s not late.. Forget your egos, past……….., and express your love
to others………. Be friendly…………… keep smiling and be happy for ever… or you still waiting for your second chance..........

Valentines Day Past Present and Future

Valentine's Day or Saint Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine's cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery. The holiday is named after two among the numerous Early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

There are many alternative and more stories to that but the love birds don't mind to have one more reason to spend one more day together with some liberty to roam in the favorite places whole day.

I it needs some special day to say what you feel within... I feel the day you speak your heart should be the special one and not a day where you plan to speak your heart. I don't feel things like these have a schedule... or do they have...

I also wonder how politics has found its way in to valentines day... means is this some sort of way to make money for the gift shops, a day to make politics count the most, a day for social dogma to strain out their happenings or what ???

In between all this people find their own sweet time to show love and respect to the relationship they are in is the beauty of the day. I wish you all happy valentines day and if this is the day we are going to have great time together then let everyday be a valentines day....